#ThrowbackThursday… 2007 when we lived in Hawaii.
This should have been an amazing & fabulous adventure! We just moved to Oahu, lived in Waikiki, my husband was starting his Army medical Residency and I was supposed to get pregnant as soon as we got to Hawaii – because the 3rd Dr I saw in 3 years (after procedures, surgeries & fertility treatments) for another opinion said I should be pregnant any time now..
Well, I wasn’t. I remember sitting in the room at the hospital being told they couldn’t do anything and my heart shattered into a million pieces – That heartache, the hollow empty feeling crushing deep into my soul. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday.
This was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives! Our plan, OUR plan was to live in Hawaii, finish residency and around 30 try to get pregnant. No one wants to be told at 24 and a newlywed that you MUST try ASAP otherwise you’ll be out of luck. OUR plan…
Looking back at the darkest, heartbreaking, angry, bitter, jealous time of my life, I learned 1 valuable lesson… To TRUST in the Lord. To know and give my everything to Him when I just can’t handle it any more.
After failed IVF attempts in Hawaii and situations beyond my control and millions of tears later, I decided I had no other choice but to let it go and let God take care of it. It was hard, so so so hard. The anxiety, the worry, the fear of not knowing if we’d have children one day… But I trusted, I believed and I knew somehow some way God was going to allow us to be parents.
This pic is with our amazing friends who came to visit us. I was on bedrest their entire visit due to our 3rd IVF attempt and this was my 1st night out and their last night visiting and after 3 days I knew… God told me.
The next day I took a test and it was positive and now, 7 years later I feel complete, honored, blessed and can’t believe I ever doubted. Did I plan for things to happen like this? NO but I’ve learned life isn’t about OUR plans, it’s about HIS.